Breaking Up (With Coffee) Is Hard To Do

I broke up with Coffee earlier this week.

It was rough at first. I still haven't been able to explain it to Coffee Maker. How can you? You don't. You can't. We all have to accept that life must go on.

But I am adjusting well.

Coffee, on the other hand, is having a harder time. "You'll be back!!!" Coffee shouted, when I announced my decision to part ways. "You always come grovelling back." Coffee kept repeating this and more in some drunk texts, sent late one night after a KahlĂșa binge.

I understand the anger and frustration. Coffee and me have a long and complicated history. I first met Coffee through a mutual acquaintance--Running. When I moved to Florida back in the summer of 2000, I quickly realized that I would need to become a morning runner to avoid the heat. But how? Even in my years in the Marines, my body and mind never adjusted to the early hours.

I worried that my running would have to suffer. Maybe Coffee was the answer? I was skeptical. My encounters with Coffee before this never went anywhere. I always found the earthy aroma to be inviting. But I could never adapt my palate to its pungent taste.

Then, finally, it happened. Coffee happened. A caffeinated love affair like no other.

When sleeping in the early morning, the mere sound of my programmed coffee pot turning on was enough to wake me up. With that first sip, I could feel my neurons lighting up like a pinball machine.

Meanwhile, Running was thrilled to witness this burgeoning romance. On my early morning runs after emptying my cup (and other things), it was as if Coffee stayed with me the entire time, coursing through my body and adding ammunition to my stride.

It was mystical. It was beautiful. It was love, pure and simple. I couldn't imagine my life without Coffee. Sleep/wake/Coffee. Always in that glorious order.

But then, I started to notice the signs of an unhealthy dependence. One morning, I accidentally dropped my coffee pot and watched it shatter on the floor beneath me. I immediately stepped over the spilled Coffee and shards of glass and darted off to the gas station. Priorities. I have them. I just need Coffee first.

So now it's over. And I am even seeing another caffeinated beverage. Green Tea. It was a little awkward at first and not quite what I am used to. But I think there is a future here.

Still, I haven't taken Coffee's number out of my contacts. Who knows? Maybe we were meant to be together?

Phil Collins, help me out...