@TheTweetOfGod Is Dead! Here Are Three Faux Twitter Accounts To Fill The Void

Time Spent on book: 1 hour
What I did: Sorting, organizing, moving
Grade for the day: C-
@TheTweetOfGod is dead. @TheTweetOfGod remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves?

I'm sure I'm the first to come up with that one.

Indeed, for the uninformed, @TheTweetOfGod--a famous, infamous, blasphemous, and delightfully transgressive Twitter account--stopped tweeting earlier this year. NPR taught me that the comic mind behind @TheTweetOfGod is David Javerbaum. He was a writer and producer for 11 years on The Daily Show. In 2010, he launched the account to promote his satirical "memoir" The Last Testament

But all good things must come to an end. "It's been taking up too much of my time and energy and mental agility," he explained. Oh well...  At least fans can take solace in the fact that @TheTweetOfGod inspired a Broadway play.

OK, let me repeat that.

This Twitter account is the basis for a play. On Broadway. And it's getting good reviews. It's called An Act of God.  Next thing you know they'll be making hip-hop musicals about American's "founding fathers."


All of this has me thinking: What kind of faux Twitter persona could I create? I know, I know... Nothing that I ever do anywhere will become a Broadway play. I have accepted this. Also, I have accepted that I will never dunk a basketball. Or be cool. [sniff]

But... If I wanted a space to let the Id roam free, Twitter seems to be the place. So here are three options:
  1. @TheAloofProfessor: In the world of academic parody accounts, @AcademicsSay takes the prize. But I think that I could add something. How about a storage depot for every and any academic stereotype that I could imagine? I picture @TheAloofProfessor as a content soul, so long as he (gotta be a white dude) is locked away in the highest reaches of the Ivory Tower. Conversations are only valuable if he and six other people understand them. Foucault? You may mention him. But only in hushed tones. And teaching? A regrettable necessity. Careful with those yellowing lecture notes! Direct sunlight will cause them to disintegrate! The possibilities...
  2. @PennsylvaniaMan:  Ah @_FloridaMan. This account accumulates headlines from the misdeeds of Floridians near and far. The result, as one observer summarized, is "a hybrid, mayhem-causing superhero who just can't seem to catch a break." Having lived most of my life in Pennsylvania and briefly in Florida, I am confident that my home state can compete. I actually started a "Pennsylvania Man" feed on my Google News page. Most of the time, the headlines are downright depressing. But sometimes he rises to the occasion. Such as... "Pennsylvania man saved from blaze by son's cackling chickens." [slow clap]
  3. @SelfLoathingCFBFan: I listen to college football podcasts in the fall. I listen to them in the winter. And the spring. And the summer. Note here that I said podcasts--plural. In a few weeks, my children will know better than to speak to me on Saturdays. I'm running a marathon in Erie on September 11th this year. Guess what my main concern is right now? Finishing the race? Staying injury-free? Nope. Penn State plays Pitt on the 10th. I'll be traveling that day. So we will either leave after the game, or I will have to find a good radio signal for the entire drive. Oh college football. I hate myself for loving you.